I PASSED MY ONE STAR KAYAKING OMGGGGG.
it's like kind of unbelievable( for me)
to think that i worry so much and in the end i didnt improve at all anyway.
my muscles are aching like shit, and there are times in the water when i felt that i could just put my paddle in between me and just sit there and wait for help.
My thumb is super pain and there is this random bruise at my wrist that are just inches away from my vein.
I don't get why I am so freaking noob while i watch all my other jiemates 500m away from me.
I think i am just very scared. more scared then other people. I was so freaking nervous that my legs trembled in the kayak and that made everything a lot worse, not to say about keeping yourself afloat.
My mind came out images of how what i saw under water when I capsized, and it became all so dramatic and i would start imagining myself diving deep down in the water and never ever get up again. The state of confusion when the water rush in between you and your kayak and you breathed in water and who the heck would remain calm and tap 3 times and find your paddle and come out from the right side.
Even if i remained super calm now, what if i capsized? And i am never a calm person. I am just a girl who panics when the situation get harsh. so much on educating me to stay calm in an emergency. I call it the con- side of having a strong sense of urgency.
it's just my character. i may find out all sorts of excuses for myself bout why i am the slowest, but please just comfort me by agreeing. in the end i would realise it isnt my weakness, it's just that i am not as intelligent as all of my jiemates. If you cant stand my competitiveness, just smile and nod and say " yaluh!". at least i would feel better and able to calm myself. It's just me, please try to understand (:
but with all these, my jiemates manage to do it. though many times i felt alone, y'all just encourage me in the nick of time. (: If i wasn't panicking about reaching there earlier so that y'all don't have to wait, i would just have burst out into tears.
and hence, this post is dedicated to my jiemates, who have helped in one way or another (: SARANGHAE.
To:
Cherilyn: hi patrolmate (: thanks for waving your towel back at me HAHAH. it shows how cute we are. (: and that your friendly attitude made me feel better about "OI-ing" you when you crash into me/ i crash to you/ please understands that i dont like the feeling of being hte last again (: but thanks for being forgiving anyway(:
Rhonda : love you best. You are super patient with me though i might have AP-ed you and i felt really bad. You are i guessed always the few who reached on shore the fastest yet i always hear you ling-ing cheer for me. ALWAYS. though it may be a little disheartening to see y'all thousands of kilometres away, but i am glad that y'all just gladly accept my weakness. (: maybe its because of y'all, i succeeded in nopt saying shit so many times. the instructor says Girl guides cant say bad word (thoguh i don't know why) but yeah, at least i kept to my boundaries, all because of you. (:
Yiling: Though i didn't communicate w you much during kayaking, but you would always smile and me and say, DO U FEEL LIKE YOU WOULD BE SUCK IN/or I CANT DO THIS OR THAT
and that makes me feel better. (: I just don't want to be alone, but in the end you are still far off better than me (: even if its just any innocuous remarks, it make me happy. (: thanks!
Yingjie : HI gay!!! i didnt communicate with you much too cause you are always faster than me, but then on the shore you would be like, OMG I DAMN SCARED, well that didnt make me very lonely. (: thanks(:
Cheryl: you are super awesome kkk (: sorry for not rescuing you well today but you are super zai (: and when u paddle and paddle and you would look back and say : SHIHUI jiayou! and i am damn touched because for a person who is already spinning, you still encourage me (: i guessed i would never be able to do that, and u marked a learning point for me (: Thanks!!!
Jade: though we had a hard time rescuing, but i guessed we did our best and we at least perspired together, for a common motive which is to get yingjie up HAHAH. but yeah appreciate that too (:
Jaynell: hey woman (: I realised you have a hard time because u were spinning about too. (: and u bang into a lot of people and you were frowning all this and you looked at me and i guessed i am a source of comfort to you HAHAHA. (: but looking at how hard you pia-ed, its just heartnening and i maanged to carry on with that little teeny bit of strength left within me.
Yinci : hey we rescued cheryl today (: I can see yo uwere trying your best and i mguht have jsut frowned and AP-ed you but you still smile at me sweetly and we rescued cheryl successfully (: you are super sweet yinci i love you (: thanks for everything, from the time when we were ATC mates to now. and forever. (:
Emily: you zaikia hurhurhur. jealous of your leadership skills HAHAHA. have fun trying to lift the boat up the the kayak to form a T shape and you were kicking the kayaking like how you are kicking the girl who stole your boyfriend. HAHAHA. but anyway, thanks foor laughing so ... loudly...? that it travlled to my ears ACROSS the whole stretch of sea(imagine how many other people heard your evil laughter. they must have gotten a shock. who would laugh like that while kayaking.) and when i heard it, i guessed i am not the only one spinning(: a form of encouragement, no matter how little it seemed, it just helped me. (: thanks!!!
Elizabeth: though didnt really communicate with you much, but you were really awesome! (:
Peifen : didnt talk to you much while kayaking, but you are super pia and i guessed thats how i got the energy to lift up the boat or climb into my kayak. If a girl as small as you can do it, why can't a girl much fatter than you do it too? (: Thanks!
Tiffany: hahahah we didnt meet a lot during kayaking, bu yeah you are supercute and everything (:
Loh wei: u are super awesome. you actually waited for me and cared about other people which is like, i am super impressed with you can (: then is liek i tell you nvm u go first, then u would be like, nvm i wait for you. i shook my head and you would be like nvm i really wait for you, its okay(: which makes me feel better, really (: and you can really go very fast without me, but you chose to wait fr me a little bit until the instructor rush you off. and yet, you will turn behind and give me the very sweet smile. (: xiexieni, aisinile!
Xiying: omg dear, sorry bout dropping the kayak into your knee. I really didnt know. ): it's just slipped out of my hand. I swear i almost burst out into tears. but anywya yo uare super calm while kayaking and you have the frown on your face when i almost gave up. And i would start to paddle because i know you hate people who dont try their best i gave up. So, thank you very much. (:
Rochelle:I know you said something very sweet and encouraging but i didnt remember what, but i know i would have to thank you (:
Crystal : HAHAHA. thanks for looking like a dora! i know we always bang into each other and in my frenzy, iwould tend to tsk at you or whack my paddle into your face but you would be like sorry sorry...! when it's totall y not your fault and my attitude problem. ): sorry, and thank you (:
Natania : ddin't communicate with you much too, but i guessed you are also cheering for me, so thanks!
Yeokmin: hate to admit, but you are super nice (: i wanted to list out what u did but i dont really know, i just get the nice feeling. So happy enjoying me feeling nice about you then Hahaha!!! (:
Yanzhi: though we ddint meet up much, but you are my jiemate so yeah, you contribute in one way or antoher (:
thanks jiemats! they teached me something, encouraged me on. (: They helped to train my perseverance, and dtermination. Thanks, and i love y'all (:
