你只是走累了 想借我肩膀 仅仅是这样

yeah, so why should i care, when i'm just a freaking option to you?

blogging in the middle of the night woohoo ^^
tired after today, after so many things.
i was stalking this old friend of mine, and it's very sad.
He was truly a nice guy. Take cares of his friends, and speak to girls nicely.
He was cute and everything, and he is so nice tempered, that well. i never thought badly of him at all. not at all.
But he changed. completely. I don't know why. He just changed.
to somebody i didn't know, at all.
i was wondering, if i let him see what his future holds, what do you think he would react?
really, very differently. years ago i can't imagine him like that.
I won't think badly of him either. Because my impression of him never change. He is purely a kind hearted guy, probably propelled by some unknown reason, peer pressure, i don't know.
But at least, however bad he is now, the way he treat us, treat me, is worth everything than his image now.
He is truly, a nice guy.

你是否也怀念，相爱的第一天，什么感觉？

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it has been a long time sicne i posted. life ain't going great, but i hope i am spending time fulfillingly. (:
i am sick and tired of the computer, of facebook, of twitter. yeah, kind of. ): they ain't helping me except make me dizzy, and i have to scale that mount everest-like assignments. seriously, i think squeezed the tab too muc hthat it is starting to lag.
And i have been not a good girl too ): my grandma and aunties camn yet i am so freaking busy that i don't have time to welcome or talk to them properly. I missed dinners with them, and they have to dabao for me. ):
I know i shouldn't be like that, because the more i do this, the more i won't score well.
but oh well, i just need perfection. ):
PLTC is next week, and i really wish my seniors good luck. (: planned o nbuying presents for them, but i'll see how it goes *smirks
project taiyo( way way ago) was super fun and touching! hid with Jaynell inside that small corner behind the curtain, it was damn dqueezy yet the audience saw us anyway (:
the best thing is, we got to wear counsellor's tee! Anyi and Chunyen were super nice and cute. hahaha ^^
Though it just for us to wear as a t-shirt, and to others, it may seem as a ordinary t shirt, but to us, it's just pretty amazing. ^^
definitely memorable, ^^ <3
of course, etching in our minds ain't enough... if so, what's cameras for anywyay (:
so... here they go ^^




awesome. <3
hahahaha okay i shall go comfort her because there's some stalker stalking her okay byebye HAHA

it's time for me to emo. );

today is a very sianz day,
early in the morning, receive unpleasant remarks from sigh.
i am being totally respectful. i don't scold. i respect. but during the point of respecting, i lost all my dignity. or human rights.
She just critcise me like there's no tomorrow. She scolds me like she don't give a heck bout what i am feeling.
something to take back from RS. Find the root of the problem, and solve it.
she's not doing so. not doing it to me, anyway.
She says i don't know what she wants. She says i am stupid. She ask me why i do this, why i do that.
She didn't ask me what was the reason behind everything, and she says that i am stupid.
I just want to do things my own way. is it very stupid? is it very unreasonable?
I am just born like that. I want to go on my own way. It has been my style for 14 years. You have been correcting me when i was young, and how many times had i been scolded by you, dissed by you, that i have already gotten immune to it and didn't change at all?
If it is not possible to change my character, don't change it.
please. i really hate it when people try to change me. and when they are successful, i just feel like i am a total bitch to let some other people manipulate me.
my style may not be correct. my style may be totally dumb. but what i am doing is, i am just following my heart.
don't try to correct me when i'm wrong. let me try. what's the haste. i work better like that.
I'm glad that you care about me.
but serious. i am 14. i have my own ways. if i manage my 14 years studying in a messy condition, so be it, i can survive through.
If i can manage my 14 years doing this, i can do it for any other years.
If i am making a mistake, please, allow me to change. but i don't change that fast.
i need time.
i really need your understanding.
am i expressing myself in a way that you cannot understand your own daughter?
well, then i guessed it is you who is pathetic, not me. I tried my best. really. I tried my best to understand you,
but i cant bring myself to reach your standard in this kind of manner.
i don't want to drift away from you. i hate children who do so.
but seriously, i am going to hate myself very soon.
sick and tired. tired of everything, tired of your incessant nagging, tired of keeping everything to myself and laughed it through.
tired of trying th change my habits but you don't see my hard work.
tired of trying to explaining things to you.
tired of trying to let you see my point of view.
tired of talking to you.
tired of leading this boring life again and again.
tired of letting my efforts going to waste.
tired of not getting appreciated for what i have done.
tired of your scoldings that i care about my friends more.
tired of you complaining about how much i am troubling you.
tired of crying everytime you scold me, but i can do nothing with my tears.
tired of you scolding me fat and lazy.
tired of my life.
i am sick, tired, and fucking drained.
God, help me. i could die, right here, right now.