it's time for me to emo. );

today is a very sianz day,
early in the morning, receive unpleasant remarks from sigh.
i am being totally respectful. i don't scold. i respect. but during the point of respecting, i lost all my dignity. or human rights.
She just critcise me like there's no tomorrow. She scolds me like she don't give a heck bout what i am feeling.
something to take back from RS. Find the root of the problem, and solve it.
she's not doing so. not doing it to me, anyway.
She says i don't know what she wants. She says i am stupid. She ask me why i do this, why i do that.
She didn't ask me what was the reason behind everything, and she says that i am stupid.
I just want to do things my own way. is it very stupid? is it very unreasonable?
I am just born like that. I want to go on my own way. It has been my style for 14 years. You have been correcting me when i was young, and how many times had i been scolded by you, dissed by you, that i have already gotten immune to it and didn't change at all?
If it is not possible to change my character, don't change it.
please. i really hate it when people try to change me. and when they are successful, i just feel like i am a total bitch to let some other people manipulate me.
my style may not be correct. my style may be totally dumb. but what i am doing is, i am just following my heart.
don't try to correct me when i'm wrong. let me try. what's the haste. i work better like that.
I'm glad that you care about me.
but serious. i am 14. i have my own ways. if i manage my 14 years studying in a messy condition, so be it, i can survive through.
If i can manage my 14 years doing this, i can do it for any other years.
If i am making a mistake, please, allow me to change. but i don't change that fast.
i need time.
i really need your understanding.
am i expressing myself in a way that you cannot understand your own daughter?
well, then i guessed it is you who is pathetic, not me. I tried my best. really. I tried my best to understand you,
but i cant bring myself to reach your standard in this kind of manner.
i don't want to drift away from you. i hate children who do so.
but seriously, i am going to hate myself very soon.
sick and tired. tired of everything, tired of your incessant nagging, tired of keeping everything to myself and laughed it through.
tired of trying th change my habits but you don't see my hard work.
tired of trying to explaining things to you.
tired of trying to let you see my point of view.
tired of talking to you.
tired of leading this boring life again and again.
tired of letting my efforts going to waste.
tired of not getting appreciated for what i have done.
tired of your scoldings that i care about my friends more.
tired of you complaining about how much i am troubling you.
tired of crying everytime you scold me, but i can do nothing with my tears.
tired of you scolding me fat and lazy.
tired of my life.
i am sick, tired, and fucking drained.
God, help me. i could die, right here, right now.