就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底;

Hi world! After so long I'm finally back yay. But not like anybody is gonna read my blog because I don't disclose my blog link to others. Okay or maybe I did (: Just that they forgot about the existence of this blog already.
Oh well, I could jolly well live up to talking to myself hehe. Nothing much is happening in my life recently, and I shall not talk about ATC because I must be very lag if I mention about it now.
But then, who am I to comment about my experiences in ATC when half of the time i am MIA-ing from half of the activities? Only participated fully on the last day. Some kind of joke. And again, I missed night games. I have total zero affinity with night games though I was so looking forward to it! I didn't get to experience night games in year one the overnight camp, not ATC'10, and now not ATC'11. ): The next time I am going to be in touch with night games would be the time when I am the planner, not the participant.
):
Thinking about it gives me the shudders. I can't imagine next year.
3K'12. PLTC'12.
Frightening. I somehow cannot imagine how I am going to overcome all these. To be honest, I am more scared about the PLTC then the new class allocation, though the latter is more immediate. Just slightly more than 1 month.
It is kind of ironic when I'm scared of something that is gonna be over in 3 days and the next thing I knew I will be camping over at Macs enjoying my vanilla cone and discussing with my batchmates how horrendous our CT results is going to turn out.
But forget about this for the timebeing. I realised when I am typing this I have much more to worry. /guilty/
Anyway, KOI in compasspoint has officially opened! Was walking past it in the afternoon while on my way to meet Jaynell, the renovation was done and they lifted up the shutters already. The design is really pretty, all the lighting kind of thing. It was the design which made me wanna go and queue up for it (the queue wasn't surprisingly long either, I glanced over to the queue outside Cupwalker and it was much longer. But I guessed not many knew that it was opened yesterday), but then stopped myself 'cuz I wasn't really craving for anything milkish, and if i really drank that I think I would end up hating milk teas forever.
Which is kind of a sad ending.
Well, not really. This help me resist the temptation of not drinking milk tea. Imagine the humongous temptation that I have to face everytime I tapped out of the MRT gantry to face the long queue and the big "KOI" sign and not to mention the nice pictures of all the milk teas hung on their walls.
Every single day once school reopened. This is madness.
I can be stubborn at times, but I simply can't when I have to be stubborn against something I obviously like. I thought that is a waste of... life.
Life is spent on pampering yourself, not torturing yourself. I think what I am truly afraid is that I am gonna die in regrets that kind of thing. I will just die of wrath.
okay somebody help me decide what I should do to resist temptation. Should I google?
But i bet some disgusting stuff like how to resist temptation, but lust wise. That is sick ew.
Okay no I am not going to disgust myself more than what milk tea can do to me.
Ciao, off to face the cruelty of Maths. Seriously, it is boring shit.

命运好幽默让爱的人 都沉默.

so was reading this book called 情书在不朽 也能磨成沙漏
was hyperventilating because just a few days ago i was obsessing over this song.
then this book appeared right in front of my eye i swear it's magical.
so i borrowed it and slacked in the library to read it! while stupid xiying go and find more books it's impressive how she can finish all of them in just a short period of time. i can't because...
1. i would get my headaches. after her recommendation of 易水儿 story, my headache( together with my passion for reading) came back all at once. nowadays i stayed up till 1 to finish my book this is crazy.
2. i cant get over the book.

this story is so freaking nice. i know i have been blabbering since the day i borrowed it and i bet people on twitter is giving me the "oh suck it up it's just a book" face but can you imagine!

it. is. really. touching. while i read the book, the song plays in my head. I was almost crying when i heard the song though i repeated it so many times.

now this book is giving me a heartache TT. i have been thinking about it this whole morning. the heartache feels so surreal. it's like, it's not even what i have had experienced or anything, but it is just there because that's how the girl in the story is experiencing.

it is scary to a point that i may seem like i have lost somebody or something before. because the old me can never stand all these waiting for a guy that would never come back for 9 years and crying everytime you heard his name. but now i can understand it so perfectly and picture the pain, it's like, everything's happening to me. ):

which is precisely why i still can't get over. it is a story of regrets. like totally. TT

an abstract from the book ^^

然而， 就在我惊慌失措的那一刻，我看见楚暮年朝我跌落的方向跑了过来，我发誓我没有看错，是他，是楚暮年。他一定是来救我的，这个世上，只有他才会在我落入水中的时候来救我。
以前和楚暮年在一起时，我总是莫名其妙地掉进水里，后来，他教我游泳，可惜我的资质太差，怎么学都学不会，他便说：“以后你走到哪，我都会跟到哪，我随时随地地都会保护你。”
-----
我不知道楚暮年第一次煮爱尔兰咖啡时是不是加了他的眼泪，所以这么多年，我总是在回忆中思念着他.
------------
她让我没有地方可以思念楚暮年，除了那一片废墟.
--------------------------------------

what a sad story ): but a super nice book, i swear!

天青色等烟雨 而我在等你.

k i totally sacrificed my sleeping time for this precious blog, which is apparently dead and everything but oh well. i am trying hard to keep it alive you know.
i should really sleep. tmr is gonna be a long day for me. GAH. ):
i just did my french braid!!! but i know it is kinda screwed up BUT OH WELL at least it is tight and it is comfortable and it keeps me from dying from the heat!
after mastering the art of french braid, i am moving on the french fishtail!
though i though fishtail braid is kind of not that nice, it is artistic.
well, if i have the time. if i can find barbie dolls again.
and all the craze come from my retarded sister Jolene Yee. MEH. she got me influenced ):
well supposed to go out with her tmr, but there's truckloads of things to be done well. ):
i missed STEP.
OMFG i am supposed to post about step right?
okay forget it i am lazy. i jsut find the joy in repeating level camp HAHA
LOL i am in love with webcamming anybody wanna webcam me?

HAHA THERE IS MORE ON FB!
i apparently not know why i am stoning here. k i shall go have mah sleep or something. bye!

each day, i am getting more and more brittle, as i thought about my overflowing weaknesses. baby, i am trying to be strong, but there's nothing i could do if the strength is shattering. is there really nothing i can do? so what am i here for?

用你的目光看海 可乐冰痛了我得指头.

okay hi, finally blogging hurhurhur. it has been a thousand years since i have ever blogged, so should i start everything over again?
maybe i should, (:
SHALL ZOOM BACK TO THE DAY WHEN LEVEL CAMP.
okay initially i was quite disappointed with my level camp groupings, because it's like no other high guides (except for zhichun, but i don't interact with her too much too) and the rest i dont really know, and dont even talk to. yeah was quite worried, till the point when i wanted a jie corner so badly.
then that fateful day arrived. was happy because of my pink bag YAY okay random.
then split into our groups, my group quite stone at first HAHA. but Lydia talked to me so yay haha wasn't that out of place (: then zhichun came and i was like FINALLY HAHA.
and i was quite happy because they told us that if we do the makan cheer we can eat our lunch. so i anticipated. OH the things you will look forward to in the camp is food. and camp food are usually nice, idk whether it is because we are hungry or what HAHA.
okay, then the fateful time appeared when they told us that okay let's move out to pitch your tents.
wanna know my reaction? " EH THEN LUNCH LEH?!?!?!"
OKAY LOL I WAS SIMPLY OVERREACTING. i was cheated of food. ):
and i complained to xiying HAHA.
so we went back under the hot sun to pitch our tents, luckily it was easy and yeah everybody in my group was participating actively (Y)
and we went back for lunch!
then is the orienteering. seriously i think i was daydreaming or something but i didnt know there is a time limit to it trololol i took it as a casual walk around pulau ubin.
but it was a challenge. so in the middle we have to run like nobody's business. BUT GLAD TO SAY, I WASNT TIRED AT ALL. i know the road is far, i know it may take hours to reach, but i cheered and sang and ran like nobody. proud of my achievement!
i guessed it's all from Guides, but then i could say i think i did much better in lvl camp. i don't know why, but i think i work better without stress. i work better without people harping on me, because i do remember the things, it's just that i don't want to be constantly stressed upon. it confuses me. i hate stress, not in the homework kind, but mentally. ):
talking bout it, i guessed stress is all that is stopping me from everything. shall talk about that later, sicne it is related to STC.
but anyway, yeah, then got a point of tiem when we weren't allowed to cheer, me and jade got so sian jade started to complain and i am simply xing shi zou rou that kind of thing TT.
and my mood got worse when somebody was injured. i held myself responsible, because that's what guides have been teaching me, taking care of others. but i failed to do so. i do have high expectations of myself too, but when things do not go my way i would think it is all my fault.
so yeah, probably brightened up when i saw the wild boars. x)
when we finally went to some place that introduces chek jawa, i realised the road we have to walk back to our beloved campsite when the food is there, IS SIMPLY MIND TORTURING. i died at the thought.
but.... the view at the sea was amazing. <3
so we head back, and the instructor was thinking of ways to cheer us on, to make us move on faster, so we get our beloved fanfan.! (ricerice LOL)
he want us to count our steps, so it's like 1,2,3! 1,2,3!
it did work, but when everybody dies down it simply frustrating!
but eventually it evolves into "WANT TO EAT, WANT TO EAT" and this was even more encouraging HAHA
when we reached the campsite like asdfghjkl! the people queuing up for bathing was like WTH haha!
it was an accomplishment for me <3 for everyone too. 15-17km worth of walk under the hot sun, BEAT THAT!
oh the sun is even more scorching that SG's, i swear. the sun shining on you is pain, not just hot. PAIN!!!
finally have dinner and bathed! bathed with shuyi gwyneth and zhichun, quite fun LOL haha!!! sound pervert? NO lol but it's just cute that we have to squeeze inside one cubicle!!
me and shuyi agreed it was fun! (Y)
okay then what was it? MOVING OF TENTS. asdfghjkl!!!!! WORST PART OF CAMP I SWEAR. we were late because the peopple in the toilet took very long and we finally finished everybody was like waiting for us so we chiong to our beloved tents and throw our stuff anyhow and find my shoes and wear it and find my pe t shirt SO YAH can imagine how messy our tents are.
then assemble then they told us to move our tents, because the boys are sleeping in some hall or something to provide us with better comfort.
there was no air con mentioned, but everybody was cheering. idk why. i was irritated. camps are camps! we need no extra comfort. i think sleeping in the tents are just part and parcel of the camp and i dont need any hall LOL. was irritated alr, was even more irritated when we have to move away all the tents. then the boys can go and put their sleeping bags asdfghjkl i thought they should help out no because girls couldnt manage it but you will get what i mean.
so i was helping other people carrying other tents.
i went back to my own tents to carry my stuff.
my tent is gone.
my bag, shoes, towel is everywhere!
asdfghjkl!!!!
i keep complaining that this is totally stupid because WHAT IF I DIDNT STUFF WHAT SHOULDNT BE SEEN INTO MY BAG. i hate it when people touched my things, whether any harm is done or not. then i saw my bag like that i totally almost cried. was angry max and swear i want to find back my tents!!!!!! but anyway sorry i didnt mean to scold the people who offered to take the tent for us, seriously was grateful, and guessed the instructors told them so, but seriously i think they should let us sort out our things first. ):
couldnt bother to help other people and went to search for my tent( sorry but seriously was angry) and the worst thing i couldnt find back my tent!!!!!!!!1
angry to the max. then me, zhichun, shuyi and weng sheum are homeless people. THEN DONT KNOW WHAT LAH WE WENT TO THE ALPHA SECTION AND TOLD THEM WE NO TENT. THEY ASK US TO STAY THERE FIRST THEN ZHICHUN REALISED THAT'S THE ALPHA SECTION LOL. the instructor was like TSK! then ask us go back to the beach but seriously it is not our fault!! ):
went back, still homeless. left our bags there, go supper, come back, still homeless. was still angry and complained to everyone i see. esp angry because the boys should have helped! >:(
then we end up sleeping with some other group members. ):
then sleep. generally okay, but i forgot to bring my watch so ocassionally waking up to see the surroundings quiet.
then at around 2 o clock, me and zhichun woke up. then the whole tent woke up. i thought it was time to go and wash up, i was asking for the t=time and nobody wants to answer me. my phone is like deep down my bag!
so i just took my clothes and went to change and brush my teeth, which was stupid because the instructor was bathing and they were like WTH what are you doing in the middle of the night. wasnt embarrassed, surprisingly, despite the fact that they keep asking us to go back to sleep. i thought it wasnt my fault, and it is kind of normal.
wanted to change out to make myself comfortable, but i am lazy. zhichun went to wash her face. LOL
went back to sleep, i was in this awkard sleeping position. is like qiao er lang tui when i am lying down and i sprained my ankle because of long hours in that position. seriously it was damn pain. i keep rotating my ankles WAH I TELL U PAIN MAX. i think some instructor was outside cause i thought i saw shadow stopping at our tent and i think she must be like wth why rotate your ankles while sleeping is she sleep walking or what LOL
okay then finally morning, TOILET PACKED AS USUAL. envy the boys who go into the toilet w/o even waiting!!!
breakfast i guessed. then was rafting. ROFL HAHA EPIC!!!
we met at the beach and we started with square lash all this lor. was sweating like mad and seriously their instruction was slow and inaccurate i dont feel like i'm in guides but HAHA it was fun! weng sheum helped me! (Y) i was tying with a freaking long rope and we rao until we both die HAHA (: then not enough time then the 2 tyres we anyhow rao LOL damn cui and ugly HAHA. got rope dangling out somemore. LOL i thought we were failing but WE CAME IN FIRST I COULDNT BELIEVE IT HAHAH must be the zai rafter, cause u look at our raft you will be like UHHUH.....
played in the water, though didnt want to. HAHA
THEN IT WAS KAYAKING. worst feeling. reminisce about kayaking lessons LOL
but i did quite fine with the 2 people one! haha. wanted to appply skills but i scared capsize HAHAH so no!
and raft(jihe) fast and quick and accurate! MAMAMIA, (:
then washup, then is high elements. i was scared. SERIOUSLY. cause i never try before so a bit worried. i am still worried when i rmb the feeling i had LOL haha.
was repeatedly saying that i am scared then didnt listen to instructions, got screamed at because i couldnt release and shou the ropes correctly LOL
then when it was my turn, was nervous but everybody was like JIAYOU! so wasnt that bad when i climbed the ladder halfway then the person say STOP! then i looked down though i am not willing but idk why i did it anyway AND SAW THE ROPE GOT STUCK LOL. then i looked down and YES MY FEAR OF HEIGHT CAME BACK ASDFGHJKL
i think the scary part was the when you reached the rope there then dk where to hold or put your leg. it like doing a split in the air for me because well you know i dont have long legs so hahah a bit scary for me!
then i was moving godddamn slowly not because i was scared but because idk when i should turn back! HAHA so yeah when i went back i was damn fast HAHA. thanks gwyneth and jade for cheering me on!!!! ^^
finally ended, but mine was damn easy hehehe!
then clarissa came and told me about the low wall how it is impossible for heavy and short people like me HAHA. was worried bout it and when it was tiem for me to climb i pitied weng sheum and yew hwei and want to get things done quickly so they dont feel tortorous. pitied the guys, nicholas and brian too cause i was goddamn heavy and i was damn glad that managed to pull me up. SO THANKS PEOPLE I AM GLAD TO BE LIVING NOW!!! (:
after the low wall i had no fear LOL haha. then got stupid lightning so we went back, discussing about our undone campfire stuff. LOL. HAHA (:
went to bathe, and came out to discuss bout campfire. quite last min, and was damn angry cause i was copying the lyrics for somebody when they told me they need it and when i finihsed it they say they dont need it asdfghjkl!!!!!
and campfire! was expecting it to be high and was high during the cheering part ROFL.
and i was high during the first part. we were the first to perform anyway embarrasing much!
then i went back, still desperately cheering jade up.
but then i couldnt see the performance and THEN, the stupid light blinded my eyes and i couldnt see any performance so i stoned. and dozed off. campfire was dragged to 12 30! i was hungry and then got this terrible gastric and needing to carry back the benches back was simple a boo for me ):
when i finally had supper, my gastric got better and i was happy again ^^v
then we slept in the aircon room! not that delighted, we were quite pissed off but then shall not mentioned it as long as i get my sleep! ^^
then tmr! rise and shine, then break camp, chai diao everything, area cleaning AND YAY WE GO HOME! slept soundly during the bus ride back!
and then camp at macs after camp = best reward!!!!!
i really loved level camp. it was hard, tiring, but i am glad i enjoyed most of it, like really do, without complaining, esp the trekking part. i grew and learned. (: thank you, level camp (:

你只是走累了 想借我肩膀 仅仅是这样

yeah, so why should i care, when i'm just a freaking option to you?

blogging in the middle of the night woohoo ^^
tired after today, after so many things.
i was stalking this old friend of mine, and it's very sad.
He was truly a nice guy. Take cares of his friends, and speak to girls nicely.
He was cute and everything, and he is so nice tempered, that well. i never thought badly of him at all. not at all.
But he changed. completely. I don't know why. He just changed.
to somebody i didn't know, at all.
i was wondering, if i let him see what his future holds, what do you think he would react?
really, very differently. years ago i can't imagine him like that.
I won't think badly of him either. Because my impression of him never change. He is purely a kind hearted guy, probably propelled by some unknown reason, peer pressure, i don't know.
But at least, however bad he is now, the way he treat us, treat me, is worth everything than his image now.
He is truly, a nice guy.

你是否也怀念，相爱的第一天，什么感觉？

<


it has been a long time sicne i posted. life ain't going great, but i hope i am spending time fulfillingly. (:
i am sick and tired of the computer, of facebook, of twitter. yeah, kind of. ): they ain't helping me except make me dizzy, and i have to scale that mount everest-like assignments. seriously, i think squeezed the tab too muc hthat it is starting to lag.
And i have been not a good girl too ): my grandma and aunties camn yet i am so freaking busy that i don't have time to welcome or talk to them properly. I missed dinners with them, and they have to dabao for me. ):
I know i shouldn't be like that, because the more i do this, the more i won't score well.
but oh well, i just need perfection. ):
PLTC is next week, and i really wish my seniors good luck. (: planned o nbuying presents for them, but i'll see how it goes *smirks
project taiyo( way way ago) was super fun and touching! hid with Jaynell inside that small corner behind the curtain, it was damn dqueezy yet the audience saw us anyway (:
the best thing is, we got to wear counsellor's tee! Anyi and Chunyen were super nice and cute. hahaha ^^
Though it just for us to wear as a t-shirt, and to others, it may seem as a ordinary t shirt, but to us, it's just pretty amazing. ^^
definitely memorable, ^^ <3
of course, etching in our minds ain't enough... if so, what's cameras for anywyay (:
so... here they go ^^




awesome. <3
hahahaha okay i shall go comfort her because there's some stalker stalking her okay byebye HAHA

it's time for me to emo. );

today is a very sianz day,
early in the morning, receive unpleasant remarks from sigh.
i am being totally respectful. i don't scold. i respect. but during the point of respecting, i lost all my dignity. or human rights.
She just critcise me like there's no tomorrow. She scolds me like she don't give a heck bout what i am feeling.
something to take back from RS. Find the root of the problem, and solve it.
she's not doing so. not doing it to me, anyway.
She says i don't know what she wants. She says i am stupid. She ask me why i do this, why i do that.
She didn't ask me what was the reason behind everything, and she says that i am stupid.
I just want to do things my own way. is it very stupid? is it very unreasonable?
I am just born like that. I want to go on my own way. It has been my style for 14 years. You have been correcting me when i was young, and how many times had i been scolded by you, dissed by you, that i have already gotten immune to it and didn't change at all?
If it is not possible to change my character, don't change it.
please. i really hate it when people try to change me. and when they are successful, i just feel like i am a total bitch to let some other people manipulate me.
my style may not be correct. my style may be totally dumb. but what i am doing is, i am just following my heart.
don't try to correct me when i'm wrong. let me try. what's the haste. i work better like that.
I'm glad that you care about me.
but serious. i am 14. i have my own ways. if i manage my 14 years studying in a messy condition, so be it, i can survive through.
If i can manage my 14 years doing this, i can do it for any other years.
If i am making a mistake, please, allow me to change. but i don't change that fast.
i need time.
i really need your understanding.
am i expressing myself in a way that you cannot understand your own daughter?
well, then i guessed it is you who is pathetic, not me. I tried my best. really. I tried my best to understand you,
but i cant bring myself to reach your standard in this kind of manner.
i don't want to drift away from you. i hate children who do so.
but seriously, i am going to hate myself very soon.
sick and tired. tired of everything, tired of your incessant nagging, tired of keeping everything to myself and laughed it through.
tired of trying th change my habits but you don't see my hard work.
tired of trying to explaining things to you.
tired of trying to let you see my point of view.
tired of talking to you.
tired of leading this boring life again and again.
tired of letting my efforts going to waste.
tired of not getting appreciated for what i have done.
tired of your scoldings that i care about my friends more.
tired of you complaining about how much i am troubling you.
tired of crying everytime you scold me, but i can do nothing with my tears.
tired of you scolding me fat and lazy.
tired of my life.
i am sick, tired, and fucking drained.
God, help me. i could die, right here, right now.

<#

hi.


YES HERITAGE TRAIL (: thoght i forogtten what's my first station, yeah but this is @ fort canning hill. Don't ask me why i got that weird face HAHAHA. i was damn blur because Amanda asked me to pretened to be the cannon and i have to light up my own cannon and BOOMZ but idk how to do all at the same time and capture it perfectly and i wanted to to the explode sign but it turns out to be like, WHAT? action. omg damn fail hahahah but it was so cute see my cute juniors? ^^

then i guessed our next station is the Arab street. though there is very tedious, but i learned a lot yay. suddenly feel very inspired to be a fashion designer. imagine the amount of chio materials you get to import and through your hands, they become something that is wearable and more than just an expensive/cheap piece of cloth! amazing much but i doubt i have that ability hmmmm.
then after everything, lunch @ Arab Street! omg like finnaly i suddenly thought of lunch then i was LIKE OMG LUNCH?! then my stomach starts to growl like mad i'm serious. ate nasi lemak and drank line juice i swear it's heaven! nobody says you should go expensive places or restaurants up the street( bugis) just ot experience a food heaven. CHEAP AND DELICIOUS FOOD ARE THE BEST YAY!!!!
I SWEAR, BEST NASI LEMAK AND LIME JUICE. or maybe i was just hungry HAHHA


i was enjoying my heaven food. see how jolyn and cherilyn enjoying them too! the year ones cleared their plates I AM LIKE SERIOUS NOT A GRAIN OF RICE I WAS SO AMAZED! omg i love my year ones they appreciate and cherish food OMG. okay i cherish food too but i couldnt finish it. ): sorry farmers! kkk don't tell me about chu he ri dang wu BLAH BLAHBLAH.


then we went Singapore river :D this was the empress building if i am not wrong! there got free starbucks and free icecream OMG hahahah!!!! lucky day for us!






HAHAHA SUPER COOL RIGHT.
still got!





blogger photos are working esp well today! and yes that's it heh! the ones @ katong park we were running for our lives so we dont even have time to take picture HAHAHA. really i am serious i ran the same speed that i have ran for when it is the last 100m or something for my 2.4 and i mad chiong. YES FROM KATONG PARK TO THE SCHOOL FOYER. okay i admit in between i got stop awhile omg but i can feel my lung expanding man!!!!
omg super proud of myself maybe my 2.4 would improve again HAHAHA.
then we were red and breathless when we reached the foyer and they were like, bu yong pao dao zhe yang lah!
hahaha we got the ZOOM sticker SO COOL. fastest patrol!!!
seriously hahaha, the feeling is like WTH SHIOK AH! run so much get first patrol SHIOK AH!!!!!!!!
omg hahaha. rest for damn long also. worth it eh?
lose a lot calories i swear OMG.
had bonding session with my soulmate yay! she brightened up my day, when i was still fml-ing ytd. (:
and jaynell too, she was cheering me up ytd (:
THANKS. for y'all, i will survive it through (:

但爱与希望倒影暖暖的月光；

woohooooo ^^ baked and cooked recently ^^


SO CHIO RIGHT AHHH MY BELOVED COOKIE <3


yay (:


trying to act professional ^^ not bad eh!
i suddenly dk what to post. ): oh man i shall go then byebye~
AND I GOT MY JJFC CARD AND A JJ MINI CARD FROM MY COUSIN WOOLALALALALALALALALALALLALALALALALALALA
AND CRYSTAL IS GOING TO GET ME MY JJ POSTER WOOOOLALALALALALALALALALALLALALA
HAPPY DAY !!
and i am deciding to laminate the thing HAHAHAH

//editted. now that yingjie reminded me, i was conned of 4 dollaras at bugis. ): urgh there's this man who's trying to promote something. (nobody understands him) and he talk and talk and he wrote dwon 4 dollaras and said, 4 dollars please. and keep shaking my hand wlao i dont even know what he talking bout zzz. then i told him i have no money ( kind of a stupid lie cuz i was holding my wallet zzz) then he was like 4 dollars can one -.-
no moeny means i 1 cent oso dont have. and this indirectly means that i dont want to donate.
wait, its not donating i guessed. if donate for charity i would gladly donate. BUT.
-.-
both me and yingjie are super angry.
URGH 4 DOLLAR.

因为爱你（们），不需要任何理由；

I PASSED MY ONE STAR KAYAKING OMGGGGG.
it's like kind of unbelievable( for me)
to think that i worry so much and in the end i didnt improve at all anyway.
my muscles are aching like shit, and there are times in the water when i felt that i could just put my paddle in between me and just sit there and wait for help.
My thumb is super pain and there is this random bruise at my wrist that are just inches away from my vein.
I don't get why I am so freaking noob while i watch all my other jiemates 500m away from me.
I think i am just very scared. more scared then other people. I was so freaking nervous that my legs trembled in the kayak and that made everything a lot worse, not to say about keeping yourself afloat.
My mind came out images of how what i saw under water when I capsized, and it became all so dramatic and i would start imagining myself diving deep down in the water and never ever get up again. The state of confusion when the water rush in between you and your kayak and you breathed in water and who the heck would remain calm and tap 3 times and find your paddle and come out from the right side.
Even if i remained super calm now, what if i capsized? And i am never a calm person. I am just a girl who panics when the situation get harsh. so much on educating me to stay calm in an emergency. I call it the con- side of having a strong sense of urgency.
it's just my character. i may find out all sorts of excuses for myself bout why i am the slowest, but please just comfort me by agreeing. in the end i would realise it isnt my weakness, it's just that i am not as intelligent as all of my jiemates. If you cant stand my competitiveness, just smile and nod and say " yaluh!". at least i would feel better and able to calm myself. It's just me, please try to understand (:
but with all these, my jiemates manage to do it. though many times i felt alone, y'all just encourage me in the nick of time. (: If i wasn't panicking about reaching there earlier so that y'all don't have to wait, i would just have burst out into tears.
and hence, this post is dedicated to my jiemates, who have helped in one way or another (: SARANGHAE.

To:

Cherilyn: hi patrolmate (: thanks for waving your towel back at me HAHAH. it shows how cute we are. (: and that your friendly attitude made me feel better about "OI-ing" you when you crash into me/ i crash to you/ please understands that i dont like the feeling of being hte last again (: but thanks for being forgiving anyway(:

Rhonda : love you best. You are super patient with me though i might have AP-ed you and i felt really bad. You are i guessed always the few who reached on shore the fastest yet i always hear you ling-ing cheer for me. ALWAYS. though it may be a little disheartening to see y'all thousands of kilometres away, but i am glad that y'all just gladly accept my weakness. (: maybe its because of y'all, i succeeded in nopt saying shit so many times. the instructor says Girl guides cant say bad word (thoguh i don't know why) but yeah, at least i kept to my boundaries, all because of you. (:

Yiling: Though i didn't communicate w you much during kayaking, but you would always smile and me and say, DO U FEEL LIKE YOU WOULD BE SUCK IN/or I CANT DO THIS OR THAT
and that makes me feel better. (: I just don't want to be alone, but in the end you are still far off better than me (: even if its just any innocuous remarks, it make me happy. (: thanks!

Yingjie : HI gay!!! i didnt communicate with you much too cause you are always faster than me, but then on the shore you would be like, OMG I DAMN SCARED, well that didnt make me very lonely. (: thanks(:

Cheryl: you are super awesome kkk (: sorry for not rescuing you well today but you are super zai (: and when u paddle and paddle and you would look back and say : SHIHUI jiayou! and i am damn touched because for a person who is already spinning, you still encourage me (: i guessed i would never be able to do that, and u marked a learning point for me (: Thanks!!!

Jade: though we had a hard time rescuing, but i guessed we did our best and we at least perspired together, for a common motive which is to get yingjie up HAHAH. but yeah appreciate that too (:

Jaynell: hey woman (: I realised you have a hard time because u were spinning about too. (: and u bang into a lot of people and you were frowning all this and you looked at me and i guessed i am a source of comfort to you HAHAHA. (: but looking at how hard you pia-ed, its just heartnening and i maanged to carry on with that little teeny bit of strength left within me.

Yinci : hey we rescued cheryl today (: I can see yo uwere trying your best and i mguht have jsut frowned and AP-ed you but you still smile at me sweetly and we rescued cheryl successfully (: you are super sweet yinci i love you (: thanks for everything, from the time when we were ATC mates to now. and forever. (:

Emily: you zaikia hurhurhur. jealous of your leadership skills HAHAHA. have fun trying to lift the boat up the the kayak to form a T shape and you were kicking the kayaking like how you are kicking the girl who stole your boyfriend. HAHAHA. but anyway, thanks foor laughing so ... loudly...? that it travlled to my ears ACROSS the whole stretch of sea(imagine how many other people heard your evil laughter. they must have gotten a shock. who would laugh like that while kayaking.) and when i heard it, i guessed i am not the only one spinning(: a form of encouragement, no matter how little it seemed, it just helped me. (: thanks!!!

Elizabeth: though didnt really communicate with you much, but you were really awesome! (:

Peifen : didnt talk to you much while kayaking, but you are super pia and i guessed thats how i got the energy to lift up the boat or climb into my kayak. If a girl as small as you can do it, why can't a girl much fatter than you do it too? (: Thanks!

Tiffany: hahahah we didnt meet a lot during kayaking, bu yeah you are supercute and everything (:

Loh wei: u are super awesome. you actually waited for me and cared about other people which is like, i am super impressed with you can (: then is liek i tell you nvm u go first, then u would be like, nvm i wait for you. i shook my head and you would be like nvm i really wait for you, its okay(: which makes me feel better, really (: and you can really go very fast without me, but you chose to wait fr me a little bit until the instructor rush you off. and yet, you will turn behind and give me the very sweet smile. (: xiexieni, aisinile!

Xiying: omg dear, sorry bout dropping the kayak into your knee. I really didnt know. ): it's just slipped out of my hand. I swear i almost burst out into tears. but anywya yo uare super calm while kayaking and you have the frown on your face when i almost gave up. And i would start to paddle because i know you hate people who dont try their best i gave up. So, thank you very much. (:

Rochelle:I know you said something very sweet and encouraging but i didnt remember what, but i know i would have to thank you (:

Crystal : HAHAHA. thanks for looking like a dora! i know we always bang into each other and in my frenzy, iwould tend to tsk at you or whack my paddle into your face but you would be like sorry sorry...! when it's totall y not your fault and my attitude problem. ): sorry, and thank you (:

Natania : ddin't communicate with you much too, but i guessed you are also cheering for me, so thanks!

Yeokmin: hate to admit, but you are super nice (: i wanted to list out what u did but i dont really know, i just get the nice feeling. So happy enjoying me feeling nice about you then Hahaha!!! (:

Yanzhi: though we ddint meet up much, but you are my jiemate so yeah, you contribute in one way or antoher (:

thanks jiemats! they teached me something, encouraged me on. (: They helped to train my perseverance, and dtermination. Thanks, and i love y'all (:

想要说声爱你，却被吹散在风里；

had pioneering course yesterday!
Wasn't exactly that afraid cause I really love pioneering. I mean like i can think about a lot of things when i chou and after hours, you stand back and WOAH at your gadget (:
and all your troubles, by then, would have disappear after you chou-ed (:
I expected it to be more hiong then i thought, but it didn't, to my delight. I thought i would benefit more in that way (: and true enough (:
I have to admire myself. (:I ban some qing mu all by myself from the field to the backstore. Although it isn't any magnificent amount, but i challenged myself (: It was dropping and I totally refrained myself from stopping or calling for help. I just frowned and tense up all my muscle and carry everything back to the pile of qing mu.
and when i let go, my muscles were screaming for pain but inside, i was screaming for joy. I did it! (:
And through this, not only did I learn from my jiemates, which i thought was really beneficial for me because i can apprach them easily as compared to seniors (: , and also learnt alot from my mentors (: Thanks Chunyen, Xinrui and Cassandra! (:
It's just 3 to 4 more months till they are going to pass down. ): I will miss them, every single one of them! ):
after pioneering went macs with yingjie. (: we were totally sunburnt and yingjie muscles ache like mad. i told her she has weak muscles but she rebut and say she has more muscles than me cuz she got ballet. ):
then i went on mrt and practically ston because i felt like sleeping ): and i swear, some of the people sitting in front of me have to glance at me with "hey you sure you are allright?" face before they look at other people.
when i was up the escalator, a lttile girl look at me and started gossiping to her mum. Her mum turned back and looked at me and talk to her daughter while looking at me. Then her duaghter whispered while looking at me, and i narrow eyed at them.
That's way too obvious mannnnnn. ):
yeah and i went back and stone in front of my father outside the door, i expected my father to show some sympathy or at least, OMG WHY U LIDDAT.
but he said, woah so ugly.
i got a shock by his response but i didnt show it and i went straight for the mirror and OMG there.
):
guessed i would be tanner now. ): goodbye fair skin i want you back soon！ ):
but hey, think about it, sunburnt in an exchange for pioneering course. Worth it, eh? (:

idk why this picture i look so unglam hahaha but did you notice all my chio and hunky cousins! HAHAHAH ^^ i unglam at the wrong time blehhhh. the next photo i look better but everybody was not ready!
but anyway hahaha.
i am in love with this song called 大海。
it's super freaking nice ^^
the tune very meaningful and calms me down!
and the lyrics is like (Y)
although the original singer aint chen wei lian, but i prefer his version. as to how he calms me down (:
从那遥远海边 慢慢消失的你
本来模糊的脸 竟然渐渐清晰
想要说些什么 又不知从何说起
只有把它放在心底

茫然走在海边 看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把 每朵浪花记起
想要说声爱你 却被吹散在风里
猛然回头 你在哪里

如果大海能够 换回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事 你已不在留念
就让它随风飘远

如果大海能够 带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤 所有流过的泪
我的爱 请全部带走

茫茫走在海边 看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把 每朵浪花记起
想要说声爱你 却被吹散在风里
猛然回头 你在哪里

OH I LOVE THIS.

我的爱，请全部带走。

nobody cares. ): nobody cares about all these.
fts. ):

We might find our place in this world someday,

Congrats me for my consistency in blogging, though nobody is reading it anyway.
Met up with Stupid Szeyun to go Gengwei's house today ^^
We are like damn freaking epic!
the LRT door was opened. we slowly slowly walked. then reach alr then we run. I want to chiong inside then the door was like closing. i scared the door kiap me and my poor milk tea so i stoned. Then i took one step. Then i stopped.
then by the time i decided to go in it was too late.
SUPER EMBARRASSING SZEYUN AND ME WERE LIKE OMG.
hahaha then we took the next train anyway ^^
then Gengwei house downstairs got this cat. Super freaking keep staring at me. Like got crush on me liddat ^^
Then we saw raenyse we then walked past the cat.
then the cat followed me!
then Gengwei was like, SHIHUI THE CAT
i turned behind. both green eyes stared at me and meowed like, Hi, can we be friends?
I JUMPED AND RAN AWAY.
Szeyun went the other way so we were like splitted.
Then the cat like very sad but i was so frightened!!!
then i walked the other way to gw lift lobby then the cat meow at me like, hey, come back to me.
OMG SO FREAKYYYY. like the cat down my house isn't enough!!!!
then we do SIP then listen to childhood songs. Gengwei's CD not nice one HAHAHA
then szeyun and gengwei do maths proj and i stoned LOL
then go home yay ^^
and now waiting for the stupid jieyi's website to loadddd pshhh.
k byebye i am off to stone in front of my com!! ^^

HEYHEYHEY

decided to blog today ^^
had the third jihe with the year ones, they are getting more and more awesome! yay juniors i love y'all (:
we did yarn painting. I did a flower that's quite fail (ahemmmm). Chelsea did a spongebob that's super cute HAHAHA.
then after wu lao shi mention about duty guide.
吴老师：“谁要去当dutyguide?"
everybody raise hand
吴老师: HUH 这样多叫我怎么选！
us ：老师选我选我！！
HAHAHAHA DAMN FREAKING CUTE EVERYBODY WAS LIKE DISCUSSING WHY THEY SHOULD GO.
I was damn excited too and started blabbering to yingjie bout how we should bribe 吴老师during chinese lesson.
then wu lao shi assigned elizabeth to get all the names. I WAS DAMN SAD. I AM HER ASSISTANT CHINESE REP! I AM SO RESPONSIBLE WHY DIDNT SHE ASK ME PFFFTTTTT.
HAHAHA THEN I WAS LIKE, 老师，我的名字是诗慧
she was like 对我知道！ (:
HAHAHA DAMN CUTE.
THEN WE KEEP BRIBING ELIZAAAAAAA.
omg duty guide <3
though i know it would very tough, but i knew it would be good experience. very good one. It's just another experience that will brave me through any other difficulties, because whenever i see my seniors piaing, naturally i want to be like them.
YAY I AM SO HAPPY.
tmr goign to gw house to do SIP probably.
i am trying to figure otu why do i have so much time to blog.
HAHAHA OKAY BYE

SO HIGH YET SO LOW.

HI WORLD.
i was about to write, I AM SO HIGH TODAY. but actually to think about it there's somethign to be very low about which is my maths common test RAWR.
i swear i totally screwed everything up so yeah ): Mrs Tay mentioned that there are 2 failures. Really. i think it's me. ): My mum will just kill me omg. I don't want to compare who's screwing it up more because i am very sad about it. To htink i last min chiong my indices when i don't have enough time during that week. It was songleader's week btw.
If my mum sees my bad result she will just scream and order for a change of tuition.
but the things is i just started on that tuition and it's like, kind of new to me?
to add on to it, i didn't have timeeeeee.
omg would she forgive meee.
))))):
let's just stop thinking whether she will forgive me. I can't even forgive myself brrrr.
I may even get a C for maths. tgt with history. and that goes my CA1. * waves with white hankerchief*
oh i am gonna cry soooooon ))))))):
but the thing i am highing bout it, JJ lin is on tv today (:
shall not elaborate, but really he is damn good! not in the sense of how many levels he had passed, but the way he performed. AH.
then i found an artifact! a real one, in my hands. if not for LA, i would never know i have such cool stuff. It just feels magical! like, whatever you are studying in history, it can be applicable to the thing in my hand.
To think that it's just a notebook in the past.
To think that my ancestor held that book, and that book contains so much history. physically, literally, though nothing much was written. I couldnt understand anyway. It's in japanese. isn't that cooooler.
but yeah, the feeling is magical!
(:
URGH BUT MATHS COMMON TEST SPOILS EVERYTHING. I WILL BE DEAD. i cant even forgive myselfffff.

):

The only way,
to survive is this materialistic world.
is to be less noob.
stronger, i will be.
and i won't be as noob as before.
cause you will never survive, and i had enough.

就是我(:

I AM KIND OF BACK. CAN U BELIEVE IT.

i swear that for the past few weeks, it has been overwhelming. It just feels like a whole lot of things crash down on you, and they just want you to get them completed and perfected if not they will just nibble on your conscience.
hard to balance, but at least i tried. amongst all those irritating cts. and headache when i reached home.
at that point of time, i swear i am dying soon.
but i knew there's other out there with situation's worse than me. like my seniors. I am sure they are just balancing as hard as me, but at least they still smile everyday ^^
i am just trying to follow their examples. (:
Overwhelming it may be, but who says fun is not allowed？ （：
I LOVE WHATEVER I HAVE BEEN DOING.

it was quite ah appy chinese new year i guessed. but it just the same old thing happening, i guessed there's nothing much for me to elaborate. (:

cute rightttttttttttttt. YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE HEH XIYING. and this is our first training as songleaders. imma officially proud to be a songleaders. although the trainings are rather busy and i keep straining my voice, but during campfire, i am so freaking high and really, i must that's the best time i had so far these 2 years ^^


yesh, presenting to you the cute songleaders of thinking day campfireeee! <3



HAHAHA DONT SAY I TU OKAY. but even u say i don't mind though. i am supposed to be a farmer for my chinese project! and i have to scream WO DE DOU YA in the video but all was represented by yongli when wu lao shi forbid us to do the video. yongli was not bad but of course, with the video i bet everybody will jsut roll on the ground and i promise, i will die of laughter. wanna take a peek ^^


CAN YALL SEE ALL THE DOU YA FLOATING ABOUT. YEAH THAT COST GENGWEI 30 CENTS.


time for official video taking. HAHAHA.
we wasted so much effort in the end wu lao shi say dont want. hmph hahaha but at least we got the props to school and you can imagine vanessa's hysterical laughter. (:


THEN IT'S CAF. HEH HAHAHA I PROMISE ME AND XIYING ARE HIGHING ABOUT IT. no i am the one who is more high ROFL. i was like HEY XIYING. HEY HEY HEY, ITS CAF~ HAHAHA. then she was like OMG WTH SHIHUI.
then we usher ppl to the isolated left entrance hahaha so the senior can cut ticket ^^ but the bad thing is, its too near the toilet RAWR. then when they head for the toilet we thought they are going to CAF. hahaha so me and xiying were like " HEY WELCOME TO CAF" then they were like " hahaha no i am going to the toilet/ to change" HAHAHAH. so we must be like, hi are you going for CAF? but then it's like very weird.
BUT I AM QUITE PROUD OF MYSELF TO BE AN USHER. even if it's just an usher, i believe that it's our duty to be the best usher, ever ^^
then marcus brought his polaroid cam and I WAS JUST IN TIME TO TAKE THE PHOTO WITH GRALEXIANS THAT ATTENDED THE CONCERT HEH! but i idint have a chance to see the polaroid ):
then after went outside to gather~
and sicne we were bored, i sort of camwhore with xiying heh ^^




HEH HAHAH.
after everything ended, then it was debrief. Kehui was crying very badly and touched by our hardwork hahaha. kay maybe not "our" cause i did nothing much actually, but well it's super touching kays. imagine how much stress she must be going through yet thanking us and crying because of our hard work. she deserves another round of applause yay!



manage to catch a photo with chio szeyun with her makeup and her kwel hello kitty shirttttttttttt! she look really nice with her makeup hmm！ (:

and then homed with xiying! was darn tired even though i really didnt do anything much. (except for the time when i walked around the whole exhibition. around and around. i swear, i almost fainted. but i decided it was too dramatic and embarrassing) then me and xiyign took out our polaroid and wrote on it yay ^^



tada, courtesy to marcus han ^^

well, to end off, over these overwhelming period, i thought a lot. I realise i don't need to be talented, i jsut want to be less noob. (:
I dont want to be a singer, but i longed to just sing on stage, once, just once, with any of my friends, because they thought i have a pretty voice. I thought that was enough (:
I don't aim to be a professional dancer, but at least i want ppl to think that, wow, she can dance pretty well.
I don't aim to be a musician, but i wanna ppl to say that " wow, she's pretty cool cause she can play the piano moderately well. "
I know i am not smart, in terms of academically or anything. but at least ppl can say that, eh her results not bad one leh.
i dont want to be good for everything. that's not possible. because i don't have a dream. I don't know what I want.
I could end up being just a mere OL in the company. I could end up as being involve i na job for the sake of money, i don't know, because i am so okay with everything.

but at least, behind all these, they can say I'm pretty talented.
well, that's my dream (:

idiot.

so dumb.
she will never leave me to die on my own.
NEVER.