你只是走累了 想借我肩膀 仅仅是这样

yeah, so why should i care, when i'm just a freaking option to you?

blogging in the middle of the night woohoo ^^
tired after today, after so many things.
i was stalking this old friend of mine, and it's very sad.
He was truly a nice guy. Take cares of his friends, and speak to girls nicely.
He was cute and everything, and he is so nice tempered, that well. i never thought badly of him at all. not at all.
But he changed. completely. I don't know why. He just changed.
to somebody i didn't know, at all.
i was wondering, if i let him see what his future holds, what do you think he would react?
really, very differently. years ago i can't imagine him like that.
I won't think badly of him either. Because my impression of him never change. He is purely a kind hearted guy, probably propelled by some unknown reason, peer pressure, i don't know.
But at least, however bad he is now, the way he treat us, treat me, is worth everything than his image now.
He is truly, a nice guy.

你是否也怀念，相爱的第一天，什么感觉？

<


it has been a long time sicne i posted. life ain't going great, but i hope i am spending time fulfillingly. (:
i am sick and tired of the computer, of facebook, of twitter. yeah, kind of. ): they ain't helping me except make me dizzy, and i have to scale that mount everest-like assignments. seriously, i think squeezed the tab too muc hthat it is starting to lag.
And i have been not a good girl too ): my grandma and aunties camn yet i am so freaking busy that i don't have time to welcome or talk to them properly. I missed dinners with them, and they have to dabao for me. ):
I know i shouldn't be like that, because the more i do this, the more i won't score well.
but oh well, i just need perfection. ):
PLTC is next week, and i really wish my seniors good luck. (: planned o nbuying presents for them, but i'll see how it goes *smirks
project taiyo( way way ago) was super fun and touching! hid with Jaynell inside that small corner behind the curtain, it was damn dqueezy yet the audience saw us anyway (:
the best thing is, we got to wear counsellor's tee! Anyi and Chunyen were super nice and cute. hahaha ^^
Though it just for us to wear as a t-shirt, and to others, it may seem as a ordinary t shirt, but to us, it's just pretty amazing. ^^
definitely memorable, ^^ <3
of course, etching in our minds ain't enough... if so, what's cameras for anywyay (:
so... here they go ^^




awesome. <3
hahahaha okay i shall go comfort her because there's some stalker stalking her okay byebye HAHA

it's time for me to emo. );

today is a very sianz day,
early in the morning, receive unpleasant remarks from sigh.
i am being totally respectful. i don't scold. i respect. but during the point of respecting, i lost all my dignity. or human rights.
She just critcise me like there's no tomorrow. She scolds me like she don't give a heck bout what i am feeling.
something to take back from RS. Find the root of the problem, and solve it.
she's not doing so. not doing it to me, anyway.
She says i don't know what she wants. She says i am stupid. She ask me why i do this, why i do that.
She didn't ask me what was the reason behind everything, and she says that i am stupid.
I just want to do things my own way. is it very stupid? is it very unreasonable?
I am just born like that. I want to go on my own way. It has been my style for 14 years. You have been correcting me when i was young, and how many times had i been scolded by you, dissed by you, that i have already gotten immune to it and didn't change at all?
If it is not possible to change my character, don't change it.
please. i really hate it when people try to change me. and when they are successful, i just feel like i am a total bitch to let some other people manipulate me.
my style may not be correct. my style may be totally dumb. but what i am doing is, i am just following my heart.
don't try to correct me when i'm wrong. let me try. what's the haste. i work better like that.
I'm glad that you care about me.
but serious. i am 14. i have my own ways. if i manage my 14 years studying in a messy condition, so be it, i can survive through.
If i can manage my 14 years doing this, i can do it for any other years.
If i am making a mistake, please, allow me to change. but i don't change that fast.
i need time.
i really need your understanding.
am i expressing myself in a way that you cannot understand your own daughter?
well, then i guessed it is you who is pathetic, not me. I tried my best. really. I tried my best to understand you,
but i cant bring myself to reach your standard in this kind of manner.
i don't want to drift away from you. i hate children who do so.
but seriously, i am going to hate myself very soon.
sick and tired. tired of everything, tired of your incessant nagging, tired of keeping everything to myself and laughed it through.
tired of trying th change my habits but you don't see my hard work.
tired of trying to explaining things to you.
tired of trying to let you see my point of view.
tired of talking to you.
tired of leading this boring life again and again.
tired of letting my efforts going to waste.
tired of not getting appreciated for what i have done.
tired of your scoldings that i care about my friends more.
tired of you complaining about how much i am troubling you.
tired of crying everytime you scold me, but i can do nothing with my tears.
tired of you scolding me fat and lazy.
tired of my life.
i am sick, tired, and fucking drained.
God, help me. i could die, right here, right now.

<#

hi.


YES HERITAGE TRAIL (: thoght i forogtten what's my first station, yeah but this is @ fort canning hill. Don't ask me why i got that weird face HAHAHA. i was damn blur because Amanda asked me to pretened to be the cannon and i have to light up my own cannon and BOOMZ but idk how to do all at the same time and capture it perfectly and i wanted to to the explode sign but it turns out to be like, WHAT? action. omg damn fail hahahah but it was so cute see my cute juniors? ^^

then i guessed our next station is the Arab street. though there is very tedious, but i learned a lot yay. suddenly feel very inspired to be a fashion designer. imagine the amount of chio materials you get to import and through your hands, they become something that is wearable and more than just an expensive/cheap piece of cloth! amazing much but i doubt i have that ability hmmmm.
then after everything, lunch @ Arab Street! omg like finnaly i suddenly thought of lunch then i was LIKE OMG LUNCH?! then my stomach starts to growl like mad i'm serious. ate nasi lemak and drank line juice i swear it's heaven! nobody says you should go expensive places or restaurants up the street( bugis) just ot experience a food heaven. CHEAP AND DELICIOUS FOOD ARE THE BEST YAY!!!!
I SWEAR, BEST NASI LEMAK AND LIME JUICE. or maybe i was just hungry HAHHA


i was enjoying my heaven food. see how jolyn and cherilyn enjoying them too! the year ones cleared their plates I AM LIKE SERIOUS NOT A GRAIN OF RICE I WAS SO AMAZED! omg i love my year ones they appreciate and cherish food OMG. okay i cherish food too but i couldnt finish it. ): sorry farmers! kkk don't tell me about chu he ri dang wu BLAH BLAHBLAH.


then we went Singapore river :D this was the empress building if i am not wrong! there got free starbucks and free icecream OMG hahahah!!!! lucky day for us!






HAHAHA SUPER COOL RIGHT.
still got!





blogger photos are working esp well today! and yes that's it heh! the ones @ katong park we were running for our lives so we dont even have time to take picture HAHAHA. really i am serious i ran the same speed that i have ran for when it is the last 100m or something for my 2.4 and i mad chiong. YES FROM KATONG PARK TO THE SCHOOL FOYER. okay i admit in between i got stop awhile omg but i can feel my lung expanding man!!!!
omg super proud of myself maybe my 2.4 would improve again HAHAHA.
then we were red and breathless when we reached the foyer and they were like, bu yong pao dao zhe yang lah!
hahaha we got the ZOOM sticker SO COOL. fastest patrol!!!
seriously hahaha, the feeling is like WTH SHIOK AH! run so much get first patrol SHIOK AH!!!!!!!!
omg hahaha. rest for damn long also. worth it eh?
lose a lot calories i swear OMG.
had bonding session with my soulmate yay! she brightened up my day, when i was still fml-ing ytd. (:
and jaynell too, she was cheering me up ytd (:
THANKS. for y'all, i will survive it through (:

但爱与希望倒影暖暖的月光；

woohooooo ^^ baked and cooked recently ^^


SO CHIO RIGHT AHHH MY BELOVED COOKIE <3


yay (:


trying to act professional ^^ not bad eh!
i suddenly dk what to post. ): oh man i shall go then byebye~
AND I GOT MY JJFC CARD AND A JJ MINI CARD FROM MY COUSIN WOOLALALALALALALALALALALLALALALALALALALA
AND CRYSTAL IS GOING TO GET ME MY JJ POSTER WOOOOLALALALALALALALALALALLALALA
HAPPY DAY !!
and i am deciding to laminate the thing HAHAHAH

//editted. now that yingjie reminded me, i was conned of 4 dollaras at bugis. ): urgh there's this man who's trying to promote something. (nobody understands him) and he talk and talk and he wrote dwon 4 dollaras and said, 4 dollars please. and keep shaking my hand wlao i dont even know what he talking bout zzz. then i told him i have no money ( kind of a stupid lie cuz i was holding my wallet zzz) then he was like 4 dollars can one -.-
no moeny means i 1 cent oso dont have. and this indirectly means that i dont want to donate.
wait, its not donating i guessed. if donate for charity i would gladly donate. BUT.
-.-
both me and yingjie are super angry.
URGH 4 DOLLAR.

因为爱你（们），不需要任何理由；

I PASSED MY ONE STAR KAYAKING OMGGGGG.
it's like kind of unbelievable( for me)
to think that i worry so much and in the end i didnt improve at all anyway.
my muscles are aching like shit, and there are times in the water when i felt that i could just put my paddle in between me and just sit there and wait for help.
My thumb is super pain and there is this random bruise at my wrist that are just inches away from my vein.
I don't get why I am so freaking noob while i watch all my other jiemates 500m away from me.
I think i am just very scared. more scared then other people. I was so freaking nervous that my legs trembled in the kayak and that made everything a lot worse, not to say about keeping yourself afloat.
My mind came out images of how what i saw under water when I capsized, and it became all so dramatic and i would start imagining myself diving deep down in the water and never ever get up again. The state of confusion when the water rush in between you and your kayak and you breathed in water and who the heck would remain calm and tap 3 times and find your paddle and come out from the right side.
Even if i remained super calm now, what if i capsized? And i am never a calm person. I am just a girl who panics when the situation get harsh. so much on educating me to stay calm in an emergency. I call it the con- side of having a strong sense of urgency.
it's just my character. i may find out all sorts of excuses for myself bout why i am the slowest, but please just comfort me by agreeing. in the end i would realise it isnt my weakness, it's just that i am not as intelligent as all of my jiemates. If you cant stand my competitiveness, just smile and nod and say " yaluh!". at least i would feel better and able to calm myself. It's just me, please try to understand (:
but with all these, my jiemates manage to do it. though many times i felt alone, y'all just encourage me in the nick of time. (: If i wasn't panicking about reaching there earlier so that y'all don't have to wait, i would just have burst out into tears.
and hence, this post is dedicated to my jiemates, who have helped in one way or another (: SARANGHAE.

To:

Cherilyn: hi patrolmate (: thanks for waving your towel back at me HAHAH. it shows how cute we are. (: and that your friendly attitude made me feel better about "OI-ing" you when you crash into me/ i crash to you/ please understands that i dont like the feeling of being hte last again (: but thanks for being forgiving anyway(:

Rhonda : love you best. You are super patient with me though i might have AP-ed you and i felt really bad. You are i guessed always the few who reached on shore the fastest yet i always hear you ling-ing cheer for me. ALWAYS. though it may be a little disheartening to see y'all thousands of kilometres away, but i am glad that y'all just gladly accept my weakness. (: maybe its because of y'all, i succeeded in nopt saying shit so many times. the instructor says Girl guides cant say bad word (thoguh i don't know why) but yeah, at least i kept to my boundaries, all because of you. (:

Yiling: Though i didn't communicate w you much during kayaking, but you would always smile and me and say, DO U FEEL LIKE YOU WOULD BE SUCK IN/or I CANT DO THIS OR THAT
and that makes me feel better. (: I just don't want to be alone, but in the end you are still far off better than me (: even if its just any innocuous remarks, it make me happy. (: thanks!

Yingjie : HI gay!!! i didnt communicate with you much too cause you are always faster than me, but then on the shore you would be like, OMG I DAMN SCARED, well that didnt make me very lonely. (: thanks(:

Cheryl: you are super awesome kkk (: sorry for not rescuing you well today but you are super zai (: and when u paddle and paddle and you would look back and say : SHIHUI jiayou! and i am damn touched because for a person who is already spinning, you still encourage me (: i guessed i would never be able to do that, and u marked a learning point for me (: Thanks!!!

Jade: though we had a hard time rescuing, but i guessed we did our best and we at least perspired together, for a common motive which is to get yingjie up HAHAH. but yeah appreciate that too (:

Jaynell: hey woman (: I realised you have a hard time because u were spinning about too. (: and u bang into a lot of people and you were frowning all this and you looked at me and i guessed i am a source of comfort to you HAHAHA. (: but looking at how hard you pia-ed, its just heartnening and i maanged to carry on with that little teeny bit of strength left within me.

Yinci : hey we rescued cheryl today (: I can see yo uwere trying your best and i mguht have jsut frowned and AP-ed you but you still smile at me sweetly and we rescued cheryl successfully (: you are super sweet yinci i love you (: thanks for everything, from the time when we were ATC mates to now. and forever. (:

Emily: you zaikia hurhurhur. jealous of your leadership skills HAHAHA. have fun trying to lift the boat up the the kayak to form a T shape and you were kicking the kayaking like how you are kicking the girl who stole your boyfriend. HAHAHA. but anyway, thanks foor laughing so ... loudly...? that it travlled to my ears ACROSS the whole stretch of sea(imagine how many other people heard your evil laughter. they must have gotten a shock. who would laugh like that while kayaking.) and when i heard it, i guessed i am not the only one spinning(: a form of encouragement, no matter how little it seemed, it just helped me. (: thanks!!!

Elizabeth: though didnt really communicate with you much, but you were really awesome! (:

Peifen : didnt talk to you much while kayaking, but you are super pia and i guessed thats how i got the energy to lift up the boat or climb into my kayak. If a girl as small as you can do it, why can't a girl much fatter than you do it too? (: Thanks!

Tiffany: hahahah we didnt meet a lot during kayaking, bu yeah you are supercute and everything (:

Loh wei: u are super awesome. you actually waited for me and cared about other people which is like, i am super impressed with you can (: then is liek i tell you nvm u go first, then u would be like, nvm i wait for you. i shook my head and you would be like nvm i really wait for you, its okay(: which makes me feel better, really (: and you can really go very fast without me, but you chose to wait fr me a little bit until the instructor rush you off. and yet, you will turn behind and give me the very sweet smile. (: xiexieni, aisinile!

Xiying: omg dear, sorry bout dropping the kayak into your knee. I really didnt know. ): it's just slipped out of my hand. I swear i almost burst out into tears. but anywya yo uare super calm while kayaking and you have the frown on your face when i almost gave up. And i would start to paddle because i know you hate people who dont try their best i gave up. So, thank you very much. (:

Rochelle:I know you said something very sweet and encouraging but i didnt remember what, but i know i would have to thank you (:

Crystal : HAHAHA. thanks for looking like a dora! i know we always bang into each other and in my frenzy, iwould tend to tsk at you or whack my paddle into your face but you would be like sorry sorry...! when it's totall y not your fault and my attitude problem. ): sorry, and thank you (:

Natania : ddin't communicate with you much too, but i guessed you are also cheering for me, so thanks!

Yeokmin: hate to admit, but you are super nice (: i wanted to list out what u did but i dont really know, i just get the nice feeling. So happy enjoying me feeling nice about you then Hahaha!!! (:

Yanzhi: though we ddint meet up much, but you are my jiemate so yeah, you contribute in one way or antoher (:

thanks jiemats! they teached me something, encouraged me on. (: They helped to train my perseverance, and dtermination. Thanks, and i love y'all (:

想要说声爱你，却被吹散在风里；

had pioneering course yesterday!
Wasn't exactly that afraid cause I really love pioneering. I mean like i can think about a lot of things when i chou and after hours, you stand back and WOAH at your gadget (:
and all your troubles, by then, would have disappear after you chou-ed (:
I expected it to be more hiong then i thought, but it didn't, to my delight. I thought i would benefit more in that way (: and true enough (:
I have to admire myself. (:I ban some qing mu all by myself from the field to the backstore. Although it isn't any magnificent amount, but i challenged myself (: It was dropping and I totally refrained myself from stopping or calling for help. I just frowned and tense up all my muscle and carry everything back to the pile of qing mu.
and when i let go, my muscles were screaming for pain but inside, i was screaming for joy. I did it! (:
And through this, not only did I learn from my jiemates, which i thought was really beneficial for me because i can apprach them easily as compared to seniors (: , and also learnt alot from my mentors (: Thanks Chunyen, Xinrui and Cassandra! (:
It's just 3 to 4 more months till they are going to pass down. ): I will miss them, every single one of them! ):
after pioneering went macs with yingjie. (: we were totally sunburnt and yingjie muscles ache like mad. i told her she has weak muscles but she rebut and say she has more muscles than me cuz she got ballet. ):
then i went on mrt and practically ston because i felt like sleeping ): and i swear, some of the people sitting in front of me have to glance at me with "hey you sure you are allright?" face before they look at other people.
when i was up the escalator, a lttile girl look at me and started gossiping to her mum. Her mum turned back and looked at me and talk to her daughter while looking at me. Then her duaghter whispered while looking at me, and i narrow eyed at them.
That's way too obvious mannnnnn. ):
yeah and i went back and stone in front of my father outside the door, i expected my father to show some sympathy or at least, OMG WHY U LIDDAT.
but he said, woah so ugly.
i got a shock by his response but i didnt show it and i went straight for the mirror and OMG there.
):
guessed i would be tanner now. ): goodbye fair skin i want you back soon！ ):
but hey, think about it, sunburnt in an exchange for pioneering course. Worth it, eh? (: